What a fucking waste of an outfit
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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