We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
