Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
