you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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