the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh god it's open bar.
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