I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
