I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
