you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
