i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
