Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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