There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
