Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
