I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
