Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
