Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
