My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wear drunk well.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
