people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
