Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize