So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
