i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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