i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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