She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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