those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
