She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
