I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
