maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
