I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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