omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
