fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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