I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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