So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will be naked everywhere
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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