I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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