How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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