When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
