College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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