while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
not ubering you a puppy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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