it hurts more in the daytime
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
