my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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