my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
