shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
