remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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