I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
