Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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