Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
