Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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