Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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