I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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