I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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