well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
