So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
