If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
