I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
