If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
