This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
