but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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