the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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