You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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