A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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