So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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