I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
