Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
