You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
