Porn is love you can see.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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