peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
