i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
