He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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