i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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