you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
